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Article 341: Boy-Girl Friends Dumping Matter: The Wrong Question Asked: What’s Wrong With Me?
Hasan Yahya, Ph.Ds, a Writer from Michigan, USA
Healthy and productive love relations are encouraged in the American culture at schools, institutesand universities. In my career as a professor in psychology, I met many people in my classes, when they look sad or speechless in my class, and they did not interact, I encourage them to talk to me after class. In my office or in the corridor, I wait from the student to say something. I wait, a little more than expected. Then I say: What’s going on. It is not your nature in my classes. Is there something you like to tell me? Students usually like to hide their feelings in class, when depressed or dissatisfied outside the class. One female student in this case was a very talkative and good listener in the same time. She was always smiling, and interacting with other students, sometimes discussing with agreement with the talker, or showing disagreement with statements said in the class. She was always, deals with arguments with respect, and never put down any student in my class. That’s why I asked her to see me after class.
Her true name is not Debbie, but I will call her in that name in this article. Debbie, answered after looking around, left and right, as if she want to open to me but she did not want anybody else to hear. She said: Sir, it is nothing. I am not feeling well today. I looked at her eyes, she does not look at me, when she said her statement. I said: Debbie, look at me. One of her hands was holding her books, the other hand was in her pocket, as if searching for something. Debbie, looked at me, I smiled and said: God, as if the world ends. It’s showing in your eyes. She said: Is it? Oh. I am trying to hide it. To hide what Debbie, I said.
You know, sometimes, things happen when you never expect them to happen. I agree with you Debbie, I agree with you. Debbie then open up and told me her story. She and Michael in the story (which not the real name) began dating several months ago, when they were working at a fast food restaurant. Debbie was like an angel came from Heaven in his life. They were building their intimate relationships slowly and adequately day by day. After three months passed, Debbie began to hear rumors, but she never take the matter as true. She was defending Michael in any way possible, “I don’t believe you,” that what she said to her workmate, Shanta, (and this not her real name too). But as any other girl in her age, she began to doubt Michael’s behavior. For example, he began to promise and break his promises, one time, he asked her to go the University Home Theater to see a film. She waited long in front of the Theater, but Michael did not show up. Before eight that night, he called her, I am sorry, Debbie, I couldn’t make it. I am sorry. Debbie accepted his apology, but the second time, he promised her to go with him to visit his parents house, in Grand Rapids. (Not the real city name), but he did not even call to tell her that the trip was cancelled, because he was busy on his term paper. Doubts began to be like a mountain in her mind, especially when she overheard her workmate whispering to another in her absence, that Michael has an affair with Scarlet, Shanta, said. Poor Debbie. Debbie, afterword, decided to stop all doubts, and face Michael. When she determined to do that, Michael called her, and said that he wanted to talk to her.
He dumped me! Sir! He dumped me! Her tears were going down on her soft cheeks, and looked away. I handed her a tissue, she took it quickly and wipe out her tears. I was affected with her story. She was depressed for sure. I left my chair (we were in my office) and set in front of her. Well. You are not the only one in this world to be dumped. But for sure, you are one of smartest girls to overcome such a small incident. She looked at me, as if she did not understand, or needs more elaboration. Then I remembered the eagle story. So I began telling her the story of the eagle.
Did you know that an eagle knows when a storm is approaching long before it breaks? Ok. The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the winds to come. When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm. While the storm rages below, the eagle is soaring above it. In fact, the eagle does not escape the storm. It simply uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises on the winds that bring the storm. What about humans? Debbie looked at me and began to think and waiting for more advice. I continued saying: Debbie, when the storms of life come upon us – and all of us will experience them several times, not only once, and you still young, we can rise above them by setting our minds and self-confidence. Some people may look at God for solution. The storms do not have to overcome us. We can allow our self-power to lift us above them. Nothing deserve to be sacred. And nothing guarantees success or failure in life. What is going to happen will happen, it is not our fault. So it is not your fault Debbie, You see, God enables us to ride the winds of the storm that bring sickness, tragedy, failure and disappointment in our lives. We can soar above the storm. I ended my talk by saying, “Remember, Debbie, it is not the burdens, or failures of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them. I believe nothing is wrong with you Debbie! You should ask: what’s wrong with him? understand.” After ten years we met again, Debbie and I in my book release fair, she hugged me, and introduce me to her two children, and wonderful husband, saying to them: My professor. Dr. Yahya (not the real name too). I understood that she is thanking me, without saying it. (1086 words) www.askdryahya.com
About the Author
Professor, Dr. Hasan A. Yahya is an Arab American writer, scholar, and professor of Sociology lives in the United States of America, originally from Palestine. He graduated from Michigan State University with 2 Ph.d degrees. He published 65 books plus (45 Arabic and 20 English), and 330 plus articles on sociology, religion, psychology, politics, poetry, and short stories. Philosophically, his writings concern logic, justice and human rights worldwide. Dr. Yahya is the author of Crescentologism: The Moon Theory, and Islam Finds its Way, on Amazon. He’s an expert on Race Relations, Arab and Islamic cultures, he is also, interested in religion, world affairs and global strategic planning for justice and human rights. www.dryahyatv.com
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